Tabatha Deans

Officially out of town

With my car loaded and armed with my digital voice recorder, I’m on I-15, officially leaving Salt Lake City, I’m eager to be out of the traffic, but I’m a little surprised at how sad I feel. I was so eager to get out of town and now I’m starting to think, wow, what have I done? I had a wonderful life, I had my dream job,  people who love me, and I’m walking away from it all. Well, I’m driving away from it all, but I’m a little surprised at how it’s affecting me.

But at the same time I feel an unimaginable freedom. There’s no rent to worry about, all the bills, I’ve got to come up with $500 a month to survive, and that’s it. I’ll be staying with people who love me and welcome me into their homes, and are excited to have me there. And that makes me feel really blessed.

Although the mix and living with family and friends who have small children, combined with taking care of old people has made me think. The young kids of course make me believe in life and happiness, and their innocence of the beauty of what they do, and it makes me realize that all of us can learn and grow, and keep progressing.

Being with the old people and seeing them on the downside of life, and looking through the pictures on the walls in their homes, chronicling their life, and seeing how young and healthy they once were, makes me appreciate enjoying every moment of life. It makes me want to live my life to the fullest. When I’m 93 I plan to have enough memories to enjoy that I won’t mind being drugged up and sleeping 20 hours a day. 

I passed Daniel’s Summit, about an hour or so out of Salt Lake, and ran into construction. As I sat for about 20 minutes I thought “Dammit, This is going to be hell coming back through.” Then I realized, I’m not coming back, at least not for a long time.  Already things are feeling different. When I walked into the rest area I had a brief moment of “Holy cow, it’s just me.” Everywhere I go from now on is going to be just me. Just me seeing, just me living, just me dreaming.

As I pull into Vernal, which will be my home for the next several months, I had a flashback to when I was young and lived here. I’m looking at all the change and growth, and people everywhere. Hopefully it will be as easy as I think to get some kind of a job, and save some money to make the next leg of my journey, which is Alabama. No turning back.

July 22, 2008 - Posted by Tabatha Stewart | Uncategorized