Tabatha Deans

Bringing Integrity to the Written Word

Wanderlust

A year ago I arrived here in the Chariot, her trunk full of my life’s accumulation of belongings. Two duffel bags full of clothes, one shoulder bag stuffed with boots, and various sized totes full of family and friends, in the form of trinkets, clothes, books and an assortment of diverse memorabilia I had collected throughout 40 years of life. With $500 in my pocket, I had no job, my car was reliable but nearing questionable, and I was $3,000 in debt.
Today I’m sitting in my breakfast nook, writing stories by candle light in my little white house with green trim. My beach cruiser Eunice leans against my flower lined walk outside, and the smell of Autumn blows through the open door on the back of the cold, cleansing wind that blows through my back door screen.
I’m the Associate Editor of the local paper and a semi-celebrity, making an above average salary for doing what I love. I spent a summer camping and working as a dam guide, I’ve flown in a helicopter, climbed many mountains, met many people, read a dozen books or so and been stalked by coyotes. I was held hostage by hot terrorists, rescued by ruggedly handsome soldiers, hiked in the moonlight,
I’ve witnessed tragedy, travesty, diversity, stupidity, and have not only enjoyed it, but reveled in it at times.
It’s been an incredible year. I’ve learned a lot, about life, myself and humans in general.
And I’m thinking it’s nearing time for me to move on. I’m not exactly sure why, other than I inherited the wanderlust from my parents. I seem to have achieved everything I wanted to when I left the city, but I still feel an emptiness that I can’t explain. Maybe it’s more of a loneliness, I can’t be sure.
Although I don’t quite understand my need to walk away from a life that is picture perfect, I know I will. If I created this for myself here, I’m confident I can create it wherever I go.

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October 1, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

5 Comments »

  1. Yes, you can and you will. It’s truly been a wonderful year, and I’m ever grateful that we’ve been able to share this journey for awhile. We both came here for different reason, but this town has given us both what we sought and needed. I share your feelings of moving on – the time is nearly here – but I do so with mixed feelings. When I arrived I was determined to hate this place. But now I know that somewhere inside I will always miss it, just a little…

    Comment by gary | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. There in lies the true challenge! Is the challenge to stay and revel in your accomplishments, secure in knowing you are safe and appreciated? Or do you hunger for the adventure and challenge of a new game with new adversaries and obstacles that you can only find if you move on? I’ve never understood those who can put down roots in Vernal, I’ve always envied them for theirs is a simple existence and the daily challenge of survival is enough to hold their attention and that small accomplishements (small by my interpretation) is enough to COMPLETELY

    Comment by Tim | October 9, 2009 | Reply

  3. There in lies the true challenge! Is the challenge to stay and revel in your accomplishments, secure in knowing you are safe and appreciated? Or do you hunger for the adventure and challenge of a new game with new adversaries and obstacles that you can only find if you move on? I’ve never understood those who can put down roots in Vernal, I’ve always envied them for theirs is a simple existence and the daily challenge of survival is enough to hold their attention and that small accomplishements (small by my interpretation) is enough to COMPLETELY fill the need for validation. I feel they are more secure than I in their self worth. I on the other hand feel no worth unless I am constantly challenged, forever proving myself in new places to new faces in new circumstances. I envy those who can appreciate who they are and what they have no matter how little as I strive to FIND who I am and what I can accomplish. Or perhaps it’s as simple as you say, I’ve been afflicted with the wander lust of my parents…Fuckin hippies!

    Personally, I feel that I am what I evolved from, a curiousity chasing explorer who must see what is over the next mountain. You know our ancestors were hunters who often died trying to found mountainous areas none had seen before. i think that’s your destiny. You are to prove to nobody but yourself and thereby everybody else as well that you can do whatever you set your mind to. That is a rare and wonderful gift, and at the same time, a frustrating curse. Your always welcome to come prove yourself in Denver!

    Comment by Tim | October 9, 2009 | Reply

    • Tim,
      Truer words were never spoken! We are who we are because of where we’ve been, and apparently we like to be a lot of places.

      Comment by tabdeans | October 12, 2009 | Reply

  4. The perfect picture is whatever you paint, and as you know and we have found out together many times, it is always changing. A picture that was perfect ten years ago, or even a few months ago (9ish months in my case) would seem silly and perhaps painted with fingers instead of the brushes we have accumulated on our various journeys.

    You will always be within a few strokes of the perfect picture given what you have to work with. And my own picture has become better and more detailed, given the brush strokes I have learned from you.

    Love you!

    Comment by M | October 19, 2009 | Reply


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