Tabatha Deans

Bringing Integrity to the Written Word

It finally happened. Just like on television. A man walked right up to me and asked me if he could buy me a cup of coffee. I politely turned him down, refused to give him my number, but let him know he could look for me at the library.
The problem? I’m not sure. First of all, is sharing coffee at the library with a man really considered a date? Especially considering the fact that I’m new in town and itching to learn more about my surroundings, as well as meet new people. Is it wrong to assume that every man who asks to spend time with me only has one thing on his mind? Is it wrong of me to rate every man based on his dateability factor, and summarily dismiss the thought of getting to know anyone I wouldn’t consider dating material? But in my defense, he was older, and darker, and carried the backpack that so often carries with it the indication of homelesness.
But wait. I was also standing on the lawn of the library, wearing a backpack. And, let’s not forget, that just a few weeks ago people actually mistook me for being homeless. So I guess my question is this—in the spirit of meeting new people, am I being too judgmental? Should I indulge in a cup of java with a man who obviously isn’t a dating match? Is it possible to enjoy conversation and learn about my new surroundings without worrying about another’s motives?

May 27, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized


  1. I think you should almost never go against your own instincts, but if you watch the Hallmark Channel, you may be inclined to:) Don’t worry. When the right guy comes along, you will know it. Just remember, only 48% of the US is married, as opposed to 78% in 1952. Seriously

    Comment by B. Springborn | May 27, 2011 | Reply

  2. You probably look for alot of the same traits in romantic partners and friends so if you dont want to date him maybe you just arent that interested in getting to know him period.

    Comment by jess | May 27, 2011 | Reply

  3. So when I read your blog I immediately was reminded of a great word picture describing what I think every woman dreams of. Marry Me by Train video depicts a waitress on her knees cleaning spilled coffee while her admirer is sitting there wondering what her name is. Great video and could not help but hold out the same hope with this mysterious man. Yet I do agree that the spark will be there also and that you should go with your first instinct. Just saying…. friends still are where we make them……Hugs friend and you look terrific!

    Comment by Jenn | May 28, 2011 | Reply

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