Tabatha Deans

HAPPY 2012

There’s a Christmas song that begins with “So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year older, a new one’s just begun…” I always start thinking about the new year when I hear this song early in December, and ponder what have I done in the last year? Then I wake up New Year’s day full of ambition, drive and determination to do something.

This year I didn’t wake up with a sense of urgency. Of course I have my standard resolutions—exercise more, even when it’s cold, stop smoking, completely, write more each day. But this year there were no grand visions of life-changing actions, no guilt feelings for stagnating in my little world, no gut-wrenching regrets at having wasted yet another year of my life.

No, this year I think I felt content. I’d had a magical holiday season, spending time with Jessica, friends and family. My tiny apartment was finally furnished and felt like home. My life here in Denver was comfortable. The last twenty years I spent worried about raising Jessica, and constantly wondering about what I would do when she left home. The last two years I spent traveling around and spending time with loved ones. This year, I’m truly living the dream I’d always had. I’m a writer in the city.

Although it’s nothing grand—no big parties, concerts, and making dozens of friends—it feels good. Like I’ve found my 300 SF niche in this world that seems to be going mad, and its stable, and its mine. Of course in my ever-critical mind, I question whether my peace is truly that, or if I’m just getting older and tricking myself into believing I’m truly happy. But for today, I’m going to go with true peace.

January 2, 2012 - Posted by Tabatha Stewart | Uncategorized