Tabatha Deans

Bringing Integrity to the Written Word



            Surviving my birthday every year has not, thus far, really made me feel old. However, when I spend my time waxing nostalgic about “The good ol’ days,” I begin to feel like my grandparents.

            And a trip to Safeway for groceries is a guaranteed trigger for waxing nostalgic. Not because the smell reminds me of listening to my mom gossiping with the Relief Society ladies over produce, and not because the blast of cold air blows away the summer heat as I enter, reminding me of my childhood and the welcome retreat to the grocery store.

            Nope. I am forced to long for the good ol’ days because a trip to the grocery store has become so annoying, that I can only survive it by retreating into my own mind and pretending I’m shopping 30 years ago.

            First of all, there is no such thing as weekly coupons. Oh sure, there are a couple of pages in the newspaper or in the mail, but the real coupons and savings are done online. So, having spent 20 minutes signing up for the supreme service in the store, I  now must spend an additional 30 minutes each week going through all the online coupons, just to make sure I’m not missing out on anything now that I’m a Super, deluxe customer. I became a deluxe customer when I gave them all my information and received a plastic credit-looking card, which I used to swipe at the counter.

            Here’s the nostalgia-forcing factor—remember when you went to the grocery store, and everybody paid the same price? Not anymore. You give them your card, or you pay more. For some reason, they are able to sell things cheaper to those who hold their magic cards—what that reason is I have not yet figured out. So gone are the days of grabbing the cash out of the change jar and heading to the store for a little treat. Nope. If you leave the wallet at home, and your card, your buck will only get you half as much as those who brought their card.

            So, being a card-carrying deluxe customer wasn’t enough. Now I’m a Super, deluxe customer. Which means I gave them my info again, with the promise that I would save even more money—an additional 20 percent they said. I have not seen that happen yet. I waste a fair amount of time online looking through MY SPECIFIC coupons, which are special prices that are supposed to be generated just for me, based on what I buy. Not happening. There are three categories of coupons online, and after scouring through all 150 coupons, I found nothing that was on my list.

            But I needed food regardless, so I took my meager deluxe customer card and headed to the store. Forced to wander around in search of my usual items, I was pleasantly surprised, then furious, that a good number of the items on my list were indeed on sale. But some other sale, not the Super deluxe customer coupon sale. I have no idea what kind of sale, all I knew is that the price on the shelf was cheaper. And of course the discount sections, where they sell meat, milk and all things about to expire, was still 50% off.

            I filled my basket and headed to the check-out, where I was asked if I would like to upcharge my debit card to the next round number, and donate the difference to some charity. Nope, I did not, but thanks for asking. As I headed out the front door I was accosted by a manager, who was standing in a make-shift jail cage, asking me for change to get him out of jail. The change would be used for another charity, and he couldn’t be released until they had raised a certain amount.

            The good thing for me was that the manager was stuck in a cage, and I took that moment to express my frustration at their new super duper customer deluxe program. The bad thing for me was that he really didn’t care, and had no authority to do anything about it anyway.



August 1, 2012 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. love it! I hate grocery shopping.. Sometimes i just give up and leave a half full cart in the middle of the store. Then i eat pizza or cereal. Those super duper savings cards are only for people who are scared to buy nearly expired food- not you- you make your own sale by consuming more close-to-rancid meat than anyone i know.

    Comment by jessica | August 8, 2012 | Reply

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